Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
