i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
