Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
