will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
