Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
