how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We smell like vodka and hangover
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
