woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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