What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
