If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
