i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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