i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
