i think i have two assholes
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
