It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize