he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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