I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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