Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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