if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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