he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
