i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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