WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize