If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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