I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize