the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
