i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
