The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
id be glad to
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
