# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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