$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
