Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
