my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
