He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
