Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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