Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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