guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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