I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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