Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
