the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
