wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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