gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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