i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
