I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
