i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize