She tied me up with her honor cords...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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