yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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