Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
