I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
