Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
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In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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