Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Is it penis luge time yet?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
