I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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