I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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