i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
