clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
