she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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