It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
