Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
