I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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