I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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