I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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