By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
