if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
