he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
