I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize