We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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