I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
