She is in my trunk
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
