Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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