he shaved USA in his pubs
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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