I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
