My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
