Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm having to shit out rocks
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