How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
