Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
