Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
