Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
