I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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