dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
