Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
