i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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