just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
