btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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