ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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